A mother's love. How is it that even when she holds you in her arms and cries you feel loved, but not good enough at the same time? You feel like the decisions you have made have only brought disappointment. She lists your mistakes in order as she lets off steam while she wipes the toaster. You wonder how it is possible that she has this many things to say in such a short space of time. You know it has been building up and now its about getting it out and shouting it about. I stood there with my dinner in hand and wonder if this can be fixed?
As the eldest, should I of led by example? She once said to me that someone said I was her shadow. That my life would echo hers, the mistakes she made. Was it fair to tell this to a young girl growing up? I have often wondered if that is the reason why I have gone down the path's I have taken.
"When I am in, your out." "When I am out, your in." "When your in, your sleeping." ..... "I work" "I work too" and so back and forth
with our words we play.
Sometimes the tension is way too much to bare. But it goes deeper then him not having the shopping in when his girls are hungry and her having to drink 2 gins before sleeping next to him. I often wonder and find myself in this predicament. I am back home after a failed marriage and other listed failures. Where is next?
How far will my mother's love carry me?
